1. Vampires are terrific in bed. What's a little blood loss between lovers? Pale is the new black, you know. But that whole sparkle in the sun like a diamond thing? Total myth. You're never leaving the bedroom so that shouldn't be a problem, right?
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| Can I get an Amen! |
2. Plush towels don't actually dry you better than not-so-plush towels. I've found they tend to just push the water around on your skin until it evaporates instead of actually absorbing it. And don't get me started on the fuzz that comes off of those suckers until they are washed about 800 times.
3. 99.9% of all hotel room bedding and mattresses are nasty. I'd advise day trips from now on.
4. You will grow up to have children that are just like you as your mother predicted when you were younger. This in inevitable. Be afraid, be very afraid.
5. You should never leave the house without sunscreen slathered in layers all over your body. Have your vampire boyfriend help you with that.
6. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. Take THAT, child that acts exactly like I did when I was her age.
7. Don't bite your nails. That whole tearing and spitting thing is disgusting and we are tired of stepping on your nail nubs while walking barefoot through the house. Also, there will come a time when your own life or someone else's hangs in the balance and you will need at least some sliver of a fingernail to escape that fate. Oh yeah, it's coming.
8. Zombies, while entertaining to watch, will never take over the world. Even I can run faster than they can and none of them are as smart as my dog.
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| First a treat, then WORLD DOMINATION! |
9. There's a sharp-toothed snail living in your nose that will chomp your finger off if you try to stick it up there. It's true. I read it in a book.
10. The best things in life may be free, but that doesn't mean you are not still going to have to work damn hard to get them. Others have said it better than I could and here are a couple of my favorite quotes,
Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb but how well you bounce. ~Vivian Komori
Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it. Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before. ~Jacob A. Riis
Persevere, my lovelies.
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