I was supposed to do a book review on the blog today. This was supposed to be an average, ordinary Thursday. But if I've learned anything over the years it's that life sneaks up and clobbers you when you least expect it. And maybe that's what keeps us all from dying of boredom.
My dad walked out of my life twenty-five years ago this past summer. Within a year, he'd divorced my mom and remarried his secretary. I got birthday cards for a couple of years and then nothing. I heard he moved out of state and was raising a family with his new wife.
I never tried to contact him because it hurt too much to even think about what I would say. I remained deeply angry until I had kids of my own and managed to forgive him which I would compare to being able to take a deep breath again.
Today, our family lawyer called. He'd been contacted by my dad's wife stating he was very ill and wished to speak to me. When Mom told me I began sobbing. I don't know where the pain came from but it overwhelmed me. I became that young teenage girl who wondered if she'd caused her dad to leave and why I wasn't worth his time - the young woman who stayed in a bad marriage for far too long because I was determined my relationship wouldn't end up like theirs.
And as I reapplied mascara before work, I wondered if I should call him. Would it do either of us any good? Would it be worth it? I imagined how the call would go. I ran through different scenarios in my head. None of them ended up helping me make a decision and I still haven't.
I don't usually talk about anything too personal on the blog but I wanted to get these feelings out in the open because I've learned it helps me work through them. I know some of you may have gone through similar experiences and I would love to know how you ended up dealing with it.
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7 comments:
Oh wow...I can't even imagine. Best of luck to you as you make this very difficult decision.
Wow, I feel for you! This is a tough one. My father had a long and hot affair with his secretary. My mother finally left him, regretted doing so, and ended up very bitter. My father's secretary (with whom he'd fathered a child) refused to marry him. A year after I married, at almost 27, he married a divorcee who was 22 years old. He was fifty. They had two kids. She then dumped him. Before she dumped him, he dumped his kids from his first marriage. I called/wrote my father several times but he refused to talk or answer letters. I used to dream he'd call me. He never did. He pretty much died in the arms of his Mexican girlfriend (who turned out to be a very nice lady. She had tried to get him to call his children, also to no avail.)
An opinion is just that, but I would call. Since he wants you to call, he wants to tell you something. It's probably a confession of some type. I'd want to hear what he had to say, not that I expected miracles, but because dead is forever and there's no going back, no second guessing, only woulda, coulda, shoulda.
But it's important that you do what works for you!!! It took me a long time to figure out that this was my life. My parents had given me life, but I had to live it for myself. Good luck and, whatever you do, step forward with your head held high.
My heart goes out to you on this decision. I can understand your hesitation to drudge all that up again.
I don't have any sound advice, but I wish you clarity and peace to help you make your decision.
Oh Lisa, I am so sorry! What a catharsis for you. I don't know what to say or what to advice. I hope you have lots of support and love with whatever you decide. Above all I hope you follow your heart. Take care
x
Reconnecting with estranged family can be stressful. Lots of issues to work out there.
Good luck with whatever your decide.
.......dhole
Sorry to hear this :( I've had a ton of family drama myself, but not this exact scenario so I don't know what I'd do. I hope it all works out!
Yes, definitely stressful. Sounds like your feelings were buried; it may be good to call, since he's asking for you. Can't hurt, and it might at the very least help you process things. ? I finally connected again with my dad too; we email now every few months even though I don't see him.
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