I was supposed to do a book review on the blog today. This was supposed to be an average, ordinary Thursday. But if I've learned anything over the years it's that life sneaks up and clobbers you when you least expect it. And maybe that's what keeps us all from dying of boredom.
My dad walked out of my life twenty-five years ago this past summer. Within a year, he'd divorced my mom and remarried his secretary. I got birthday cards for a couple of years and then nothing. I heard he moved out of state and was raising a family with his new wife.
I never tried to contact him because it hurt too much to even think about what I would say. I remained deeply angry until I had kids of my own and managed to forgive him which I would compare to being able to take a deep breath again.
Today, our family lawyer called. He'd been contacted by my dad's wife stating he was very ill and wished to speak to me. When Mom told me I began sobbing. I don't know where the pain came from but it overwhelmed me. I became that young teenage girl who wondered if she'd caused her dad to leave and why I wasn't worth his time - the young woman who stayed in a bad marriage for far too long because I was determined my relationship wouldn't end up like theirs.
And as I reapplied mascara before work, I wondered if I should call him. Would it do either of us any good? Would it be worth it? I imagined how the call would go. I ran through different scenarios in my head. None of them ended up helping me make a decision and I still haven't.
I don't usually talk about anything too personal on the blog but I wanted to get these feelings out in the open because I've learned it helps me work through them. I know some of you may have gone through similar experiences and I would love to know how you ended up dealing with it.
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