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First Campaign Challenge!



I hadn't even seen the challenge until Tuesday when I visited one of my fellow campaigners and noticed their entry. When I went to Rach's site for the deets, there were already over 100 linkys! Call me impressed. You campaigners are really on top of things. I just hope I can find the time to read them all because the few I've seen so far have been awesome.

The rules:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “The door swung open” These four words will be included in the word count.

If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), use the same beginning words and end with the words: "the door swung shut." (also included in the word count)

For those who want an even greater challenge, make your story 200 words EXACTLY!

My entry is below and I managed exactly 200 words.


 
Hear No Evil

The door swung open. A brutal November wind invaded the kitchen and ushered in the last of the dead leaves that had gathered on the porch. They crunched under my feet as I hurried to close the one entrance I'd left unblocked. Our only way out.

Jake looked pale, much worse than when we'd arrived. The blood had soaked through his shirt again and his breathing seemed shallow and forced.

I sat down beside him on the floor and held his hand.

It won't be long now. Help will be here soon.” I hated lying to him. How many times had I wished he'd never been born? I'd take it all back if I could. Trade places with him right now. Nobody deserved what he was going through.

I'm so cold,” he said opening his eyes. “ I wish Mom was here.”

Me too.”

I slid the last of the antibiotics under Jake's tongue and quietly picked him up.

Stillness coated the house, but I knew what to listen for. I must have missed a way in. 

They were moving fast now. I thought I heard their whispers when we slipped out, braced against the cold as the door swung shut.

Don't miss the other entries at Rach's and have a great weekend!

32 comments:

AveryMarsh said...

What a tense and touching scene. Even though I don't know who the MC is, who's after them, or what happened, I feel like I'm there with them, holding Jake's other hand.

Jess said...

Ooo, I like it! I'm guessing zombies are after them, maybe? Or maybe it's all the paranormal I've been seeing lately affecting my brain... Either way, it's good! I especially liked the relationship between the two characters.

Jessica Love said...

Great job! This is awesome!

Miranda Hardy said...

Good job with this. It had a very grimm feel to it, which I love.

L'Aussie said...

Hey Lisa. There were many great lines here such as 'Stillness coated the house'. Love these evocative descriptions. Loved this story. So much tension and so many possibilities.

Denise

Old Kitty said...

I loved this!!! Wonderfully atmospheric and very very sad! Yay for you!! Well done - really enjoyed reading this, take care x

Christine Rains said...

I could feel the tension and the bite of the cold. It was also sweet. You packed quite the punch in such a little piece. Good job! :)

Claire Lachance said...

What a creepy story. Great job!

Damyanti said...

Love the tension in this piece, and would like to read the whole story.

Inviting you now to The Rule of Three Blogfest ---a month-long extravaganza in the fictional town of Renaissance this October, with some great prizes, comment love, and of course, a lot of exposure for your writing!

This story would fit in so well in the town of Renaissance---check it out! I would love to have your story for our Oktober=fest :)

Lori M. Lee said...

Ack, where's the rest?! lol I wanted to keep reading. That was wonderful, intense, touching. Loved it!

Erin L. Schneider said...

Lisa, this was awesome! You built such a vivid scene in only 200 words and I especially loved your opening paragraph - four sentences and the reader immediately knows what your MC is up against.

Excellent job!

David Powers King said...

The last of the antibiotics? That can't be a good sign. Definitely a touching, bittersweet scene.

Great job, Lisa! :)

Summer Ross said...

Very intense piece. I'm left wondering what he was sick from and if they make it. great job!

Susan Oloier said...

Wow, Lisa! I was right there. I want to see this as part of a larger work. I was immediately pulled into your scene with your vivid descriptions and characterizations.

allie said...

This is a great snippet of something longer. There's a story of survival in here. Great entry.

bridget said...

I like the sibbling relationship in this. Nicely done. Mine is #72

Brooke Rousseau said...

Hi Lisa. I'm one of the judges for this Campaign Challenge. It is my pleasure to inform you that you are moving on to Round 2.

Congrats!

Lisa Potts said...

Wow, guys and gals, I'm so grateful for the encouraging words. You have no idea how much they mean to me.

Thanks for the good news, Brooke!

Karen said...

Absolutely loved the suspense!! I think I held my breath the whole time! :)

Angelina C. Hansen said...

This is so rich! Loved it. Also had to follow your blog. Always thrilled to meet another YA contemporary girl.

Shelley Koon said...

Loved this Lisa - great suspense ;) Gratz on moving on!

Amanda Milner said...

So intense and suspenseful! Her poor brother!! I really want to know what happens next!

Mary Mary said...

Ooo! Very nice! I especially like the ending!

junebug said...

I really liked your piece. I love how there is so much unknown and yet I felt as if I had a great picture of what was happening.

Alica McKenna Johnson said...

Great story

Lisa Potts said...

I'm forever amazed by the support of my fellow writers. Thanks so much!

Christa said...

This is fantastic! Congratulations, you've been short-listed as one of the top 38 entries of 384 in the semi-finals!

Chantele Sedgwick said...

What a great piece, Lisa! I really enjoyed the emotion in the scene. Congrats on being in the semi-finals as well! :D

Totsymae said...

Very smooth writing. I suppose this is his sister? I couldn't determine. You say just enough to keep the reader intrigued and anticipating more.

Crystal said...

Good job! I want more! Lol...

Nadja Notariani said...

Lisa ~

What a great flash piece. You managed a great build up in tension and interest with your 200 words. I, too, am wishing there was more to this story. Your writing was terrific! ~ Nadja

K.T. Hanna said...

A really well done eerie feeling to this piece. Very well written. I would love to know more. All these tiny 200 word glimpses make me want to know more! lol

Also, I awarded you the Irresistably Sweet Blogger Award today - over at my blog.
http://www.kthanna.com/2011/09/awards-writer-challenges-and-timetravel/

I have now notified you :D

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