10 Things We All Should Know By Now

1. Vampires are terrific in bed. What's a little blood loss between lovers? Pale is the new black, you know. But that whole sparkle in the sun like a diamond thing? Total myth. You're never leaving the bedroom so that shouldn't be a problem, right?

Can I get an Amen!
2. Plush towels don't actually dry you better than not-so-plush towels. I've found they tend to just push the water around on your skin until it evaporates instead of actually absorbing it. And don't get me started on the fuzz that comes off of those suckers until they are washed about 800 times.

3. 99.9% of all hotel room bedding and mattresses are nasty. I'd advise day trips from now on.

4. You will grow up to have children that are just like you as your mother predicted when you were younger. This in inevitable. Be afraid, be very afraid.

5. You should never leave the house without sunscreen slathered in layers all over your body. Have your vampire boyfriend help you with that.

6. You can't kill yourself by holding your breath. Take THAT, child that acts exactly like I did when I was her age.

7. Don't bite your nails. That whole tearing and spitting thing is disgusting and we are tired of stepping on your nail nubs while walking barefoot through the house. Also, there will come a time when your own life or someone else's hangs in the balance and you will need at least some sliver of a fingernail to escape that fate. Oh yeah, it's coming.

8. Zombies, while entertaining to watch, will never take over the world. Even I can run faster than they can and none of them are as smart as my dog.

First a treat, then WORLD DOMINATION!
9. There's a sharp-toothed snail living in your nose that will chomp your finger off if you try to stick it up there. It's true. I read it in a book.

10. The best things in life may be free, but that doesn't mean you are not still going to have to work damn hard to get them. Others have said it better than I could and here are a couple of my favorite quotes,

Life is not about how fast you run or how high you climb but how well you bounce.  ~Vivian Komori
Look at a stone cutter hammering away at his rock, perhaps a hundred times without as much as a crack showing in it.  Yet at the hundred-and-first blow it will split in two, and I know it was not the last blow that did it, but all that had gone before.  ~Jacob A. Riis

Persevere, my lovelies.


Summer Ross said...

Great post Lisa- a bit of funny, happy, and encouragement. Thanks for posting!

erica and christy said...

Then again, your male offspring might turn out to be just like your spouse. So plan accordingly. :)

James Garcia Jr said...

Hilarious! I have two of those boys that are just as mother said they would be!! Lol! Also, I really need to stop biting my nails...either that or vaccuum more often. Gross!!


Trisha said...

Loved this post - had a little chuckle over many of the points made. :)

Liz said...

Oh, how true. Although, if you never have kids...

But what this really made me think of (# 8) was something I read online a while ago...I think I can find it...


Yeah, so I agree with you on #8.

Old Kitty said...

Off I go to find a vampire soul mate! Yay!!!

take care

Lisa Potts said...

You're welcome, Summer! Thanks for stopping by.

Erica, since I'm divorced, I sure hope not!

James, I'm telling ya, the mom prophecy works every time.

Trisha, glad I could get you to chuckle!

Liz, I think I remember reading that article a while back. Funny stuff.

Lisa Potts said...

Kitty, I'm still looking for mine too. Maybe I'll head out with a fresh cut on my leg from shaving and see who turns up.

Rogue Mutt said...

Good thing I don't have to worry about #4.

Rogue Mutt said...

And as for the zombies it depends if they're the shambling George Romero zombies or the ones from "28 Days Later" that can run pretty fast.

Christine Rains said...

*LOL* That was great! I actually hope my son turns out like me. I was a good kid. I'm going to tell him about that snail, though!

Lisa Potts said...

RM, never say never. And the zombie thing? I guess I'll just have to keep someone who runs slower than me close by at all times.

Christine, you should definitely tell him ; )

Amie Kaufman said...

Ha! I love it, and perfect timing on the laugh! And it's SO true on the plush towels. They're so lovely and soft, I don't want to believe it's true, so I keep going back and trying, but it's always the same. They just push the water around.

Madeleine said...

Oh I love this. I agree about plush/new towels, they are useless at drying and absorbing water.
I used to bite my nails. I wonder if that's why I have ridges in them now? :O)

Anonymous said...

Hotel rooms are nasty. I bring my own bedding and I throw down towels on the floor as I don't even want to know what is on the carpet. Ugh!

Talei said...

Ha ha. Love it. And you know, why are all the Vampires SO hot? I do enjoy Vampire Diaries... too much. ;-)

Alison Miller said...

omg - love this post! And #4 is SO true - I see more of myself in my daughter every day.

And I loved #10. Awesome.

Lisa Potts said...

Amie, plush towels are SO overrated!

Madeleine, I have ridges in my nails too, but I've never bitten them, so it must be something else.

Stephen, towels on the floor? Genius!

Talei, Vampire Diaries is to die for.

Alison, scary isn't it?

Lisa Potts said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

Kari Marie said...

#2 CRACKED ME UP. So true. And aggravating. Loved the quotes at the end. Gave me the kick in the pants I needed today.

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